Sunday, November 27, 2005
life be good :)
life keeps changing, and i'm crap about keeping a journal.
however, I seem to do it on a semi regular basis, as i discovered... found my old livejournal that i was keeping when I was married, and lo and behold this blogger thingy lets me make posts in the past. pretty darn cool, isn't it? if you want to see the old me, check out the 2001 archive.
oddly enough, alot of it is still me. even though i totally disagree with some of what i was thinking then, i also see more why i made some of the choices i did. the pain was such a part of me then, i think, that i had to deal with it strongly. now, its still there if i go near it - it hasnt been dulled by time, unfortunately thats not really me, part of me being me i think is the timelessness of some things - but i'm more shielded from it.
I dont live my life close to that flame.
i live my life as something so much healthier. i live the life of my dreams, dreams i didnt know i had. where i'm supposed to be.
its such a difference. the place, the people, my focus, my passion... i have found my passion. and its not something amazing... to the world, perhaps. "when i grow up i want to be a project manager" is where I'm at right now, because i feel the life of it, the invigorating challenge, the interest, the complexity, the multitude of responsibility and problem solving and adapting that truly answers me at where I am.
it may not be everything i've ever dreamed of being... but it matches me. God is much much smarter than I, I'll tell you that much.
oh and I had a truly awesome thanksgiving, and i got to spend money today :P materialistic as it sounds, its really nice to not be broke and have the ability to spoil yourself.
life be good :)
however, I seem to do it on a semi regular basis, as i discovered... found my old livejournal that i was keeping when I was married, and lo and behold this blogger thingy lets me make posts in the past. pretty darn cool, isn't it? if you want to see the old me, check out the 2001 archive.
oddly enough, alot of it is still me. even though i totally disagree with some of what i was thinking then, i also see more why i made some of the choices i did. the pain was such a part of me then, i think, that i had to deal with it strongly. now, its still there if i go near it - it hasnt been dulled by time, unfortunately thats not really me, part of me being me i think is the timelessness of some things - but i'm more shielded from it.
I dont live my life close to that flame.
i live my life as something so much healthier. i live the life of my dreams, dreams i didnt know i had. where i'm supposed to be.
its such a difference. the place, the people, my focus, my passion... i have found my passion. and its not something amazing... to the world, perhaps. "when i grow up i want to be a project manager" is where I'm at right now, because i feel the life of it, the invigorating challenge, the interest, the complexity, the multitude of responsibility and problem solving and adapting that truly answers me at where I am.
it may not be everything i've ever dreamed of being... but it matches me. God is much much smarter than I, I'll tell you that much.
oh and I had a truly awesome thanksgiving, and i got to spend money today :P materialistic as it sounds, its really nice to not be broke and have the ability to spoil yourself.
life be good :)
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